omg i think im seriously schizo LOL after reflecting more about my actions and thoughts.

look at this:

People diagnosed with schizophrenia usually experience a combination of positive (i.e. hallucinations, delusions, racing thoughts), negative (i.e. apathy, lack of emotion, poor or nonexistant social functioning), and cognitive (disorganized thoughts, difficulty concentrating and/or following instructions, difficulty completing tasks, memory problems).

oh my i have quite a few of these symptoms... and i think my thoughts are seriously getting out of control like racing non-stop totally random and i am trying so hard to control them to the extent that i may seem apathetic and emotionless and cold. and my thoughts are in such a mess that i dont know where it starts and ends?  and i have problem concentrating i get distracted so easily sometimes. like yeah what i am doing now when im suppose to sleep early. >< oh great i gotta find a way to control my randomness or just to free it totally? i guess tt would be scary... scary for myself too ><.

is it normal to start laughing out loud uncontrollably while appearing to be reading  a very dull academic journal when actly its just tt im not in the world of the journal but some lala land in my imaginations? its quite embaraasing ><

anyway had threee vaccination jabs today so im like 3 jabs braver. but my amr hurts and i cant move just wanna stone more and more and watch the clouds roll by. AHA! so peaceful :D i cant imagine it.

yeah and im home and i must sleep to survive for crazy project rushes.

yes i still wanna fly out of this country and live on the mountain top! :D